A conversation with Marlene McLarty of Inner Leadership Coaching. Marlene is a trusted guide to professionals, entrepreneurs and other impact makers, bringing years of experience to partnering with others on their journey toward clarity, well being and fulfillment in life and work.
Marlene McLarty is a certified professional coach and the founder of Inner Leadership Coaching. She partners with her clients to help them gain clarity, fulfillment and success on their own terms. She focuses on values, goals, intended impact and exploring new possibilities, while providing accountability and support each step of the way. She encourages her clients to connect to their truth, acknowledge their fears and see the humor in their humanity.
Marlene shares her history, from growing up in Kingston, Jamaica, to becoming a corporate attorney in New York City to finding her calling as an executive and personal coach. She discusses the importance of inner work, self-exploration, and the role of money as a resource rather than a measure of success. Marlene emphasizes the significance of liking who you are, what you do, and how you do it as her definition of success.
Throughout the conversation, Marlene and Laura explore themes of fulfillment, trusting oneself, creating a space for personal growth, and redefining what success means on a personal level. The dialogue also touches on spirituality, the impact of upbringing on one's career choices, and the ongoing journey of personal and professional development.
" I think of it as a space for exploration. That's all we're doing. We're exploring. Yes, we're going to set goals. Yes, I'm going to keep you accountable. Yes, we're probably going to go deep because that's the kind of coaching I do. And yes, sometimes it might feel uncomfortable and for sure it's going to be uncomfortable as you try new things. And yes, we're going to be questioning beliefs and your thinking and all of it." - Marlene McLarty
Some takeaways:
- There are no mistakes in life; don’t regret choices you made that seemed appropriate at the time but are no longer. Marlene worked for fifteen years as a corporate attorney before transitioning to become a leadership coach. She attributes her decision to go to law school to “lack of creativity on her part”; as a strong student she wasn’t aware of professional choices beyond becoming a doctor, an engineer or a lawyer. Still, she believes that everything she’s done has brought her to where she is now.
- A career is difficult to leave behind until it isn’t difficult to leave behind! In other words, you’ll make a change when the cost of staying is greater than the cost of leaving. After 15 years practicing law in various settings, Marlene didn’t feel fulfilled. After a member of her book club succumbed to cancer, she decided that life was too unpredictable to keep doing something that just wasn’t “it”. She began to explore what she wanted to be when she grew up - at the age of 39!
- Notice activities you enjoy doing that don’t have a paycheck attached. Marlene found that friends often came to her for advice, and to talk about what was going on for them personally and professionally. She began to recognize that she was naturally curious and enjoyed asking questions and connecting with people. It turns out she was coaching people without realizing it!
- Look within rather than outside yourself for answers. Marlene realized that she was often looking to others to help make decisions until she recognized that only she can know what is right for her. Maybe she has to reach out to gather more information but, ultimately, she had to learn to trust herself.
About the Guest:
Marlene is a certified professional coach and the founder of Inner Leadership Coaching. For over a decade she has been helping clients gain clarity, connect to their truth, build a career path and create a life that is fulfilling and meaningful to them.
She is a former corporate attorney, having worked for a variety of law firms in New York City before transitioning to executive and personal coaching. She brings her innate curiosity, analytical skills and abiding commitment to personal growth to her work as a coach, empowering and uplifting others on their journey of self-leadership and personal and professional development.
Marlene was educated at Stanford University and Columbia Law School and lives in Westchester County with her husband and two daughters who are both in college.
Website: www.marlenemclarty.com
Linkedin: www.linkedin.com/in/marlene-mclarty
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Marlene McLarty
I think of it as a space for exploration. That's all we're doing. We're exploring. Yes. We're going to set goals. Yes. I'm going to keep you accountable. Yes. We're probably going to go deep because that's the kind of coaching I do. And yes, sometimes it might feel uncomfortable and for sure it's going to be uncomfortable as you try new things.
And yes, we're going to be questioning beliefs and your thinking and all of it.
Narrator
Welcome to making change with your money. A podcast that highlights the stories and strategies of women who experienced a big life transition and overcame challenges as they redefined financial success for themselves. Now here's your host, Certified Financial Planner, Laura Rotter.
Laura Rotter
I am so excited to have as my guest today, Marlene McLarty.
Marlene is a certified professional coach and the founder of Inner Leadership Coaching. For over a decade, She's been helping clients gain clarity, connect to their truth, build a career path. and create a life that's fulfilling and meaningful to them. She's a former corporate attorney, having worked for a variety of law firms in New York City before transitioning to executive and personal coaching.
She brings her innate curiosity, analytical skills, and abiding commitment to personal growth to her work as a coach, empowering and uplifting others on their journey of self leadership and personal and professional development. So welcome Marlene to the making change with your money podcast.
Marlene McLarty
Thank you for having me.
Laura Rotter
I'm so excited to have this conversation. It's going to be fun. So I'm going to start with my same question, which is what was money like in your family growing up?
Marlene McLarty
I should start by saying I was born and raised in Kingston, Jamaica. And growing up, we were comfortable financially and my parents created that I'm very grateful to them for that.
Neither one of them came from a lot of money. My mom was raised by a single mother. My dad had four siblings and he had an older brother and he and his older brother, he, they both graduated from high school and then promptly got jobs so they could help to support their family. And I can tell you a little bit more about their backgrounds later on, but essentially they Climbed the ladder in their jobs.
My dad eventually ended up owning his own land surveying company my mom Climbed the ladder in her first place of employment and ended up being selected to run large organizations. So they Made a good living and created comfortable lifestyle for my family. I have two older siblings You And I'm very grateful for what they created for us.
Marlene McLarty
Thank you. When did you come to the United States and are your, is your family here or still, some are still in Jamaica, some are here?
Marlene McLarty
Let me answer your question in order. My, I came to the States at 17 to go to college. I went to college in California. Then I moved to New York to go to law school and I have been in New York ever since.
I've lived in New York longer than I've lived anywhere else. And my parents lived in Jamaica. My dad passed away two years ago. My mom is still in Kingston, Jamaica. I have two older siblings. They are both, well, they have traditionally both been here in the States, but my older brother has moved back down, mostly moved back down to Jamaica.
He's, he's back and forth right now, but his ultimate goal is to be down there. My sister also lives in New York and I have assorted cousins who live both in Jamaica and here in the States.
Laura Rotter
Thanks for answering that. As a lifetime New Yorker, I both, you know, love to hear when people feel comfortable here and settle here.
And then there's always that question of like, wow, California sounds nice. I, I'm assuming that you, you moved here for professional reasons.
Marlene McLarty
I did. California was nice. It's nice. I have my old, I have two daughters. My older daughter is senior in college in Southern California. Loves it. I think we have lost her to California, at least for now.
I loved my time there. For me, it was, and I knew, gosh, I'm old. So this was all the way back in the late eighties when I was in college. But, You know, it was a cultural transition and I think I, and back then there was no college tour. I didn't visit any of the colleges I applied to. I looked at the brochures and I thought the pictures were beautiful.
And so I was like, I want to go to this school. And it was a beautiful school. And. It was a formative period for me. I think California, it was another than California. So it's, you know, people here, California, and they think, oh, it's always warm and spend all your time at the beach. Not quite, but it was a great entry point for me in terms of adjusting to life in America.
And then New York, I went straight from college to law school. And while I loved California after four years, I wanted something different. And I had my sister was Actually, both my siblings were living in New York at the time, and so I applied to Law schools on the East Coast, ended up going to Columbia and I lived in New York City after I graduated and eventually made the move to Westchester, where we live now.
So, yeah.
Laura Rotter
So I'd like to take a step back and First of all, Marlene, what was the role education played in your family? It sounds like you didn't question that you were going to go to college. And if that's the case, was there a question about how you would pay for it?
Marlene McLarty
Yeah, no, I did not question the role.
Okay, well, let me start by saying my parents expected us to be good students. I think I can put it that way. I don't ever recall having a conversation about that. It was just understood. My mom, just to put it in context, was a good student all through elementary and high school and did not expect to go to college.
She didn't think her, her mom simply couldn't afford it, but she was encouraged to apply for a scholarship, which she got. So she was able to attend university in Jamaica. And this was a while back, the university in Kingston had just opened up and So she was able to get a college degree and, you know, raising the three of us, education was, was important.
I was the youngest, or am the youngest, and I think once I was old enough to understand that there was this thing called college that came after high school, I just knew that that was the path I was taking. And then my older sister decided to come to the U. S. to go to college. So she's about six and a half years older.
And when I realized that was an option, I was like, Oh, I, I'm doing that too. So then it became a waiting game. I just had to get through high school. And, and the way it works in Jamaica, it's modeled on the British system. So we, it's like middle and high school here combined into seven years. So. I was pretty much just waiting to get through that.
So I could come somewhere to the U. S. to go to college and finance in college. Well, I got a financial aid package. My college I went to was very generous. I got grants. My parents contributed what they could. We were comfortable in Jamaica, but once you translate that into U. S. dollars, it was a different story.
So I needed to get a package. I got loans. I got a job. And I made it work. And likewise, for law school, they contributed what they could and I got more loans. I'm curious,
Laura Rotter
What was the motivation behind going to law school?
Marlene McLarty
Lack of creativity on my part.
Laura Rotter
An honest answer.
Marlene McLarty
Yeah, and I don't regret the path I took. I mean, I just, I think there are no mistakes in life. Everything I've done has brought me to where I am now. But let's, let's go back to, I went into college. Well, actually, let's go back to prior to that. The way the system, the educational system worked, at least back when I was growing up, you were, you tended to be tracked into either the sciences or the arts.
At roughly the same time one would be getting high school here. And so at about 13, 14, if you were a good student up until then, you were encouraged to take the sciences. And so I did, and I liked them. I knew I didn't want to be a doctor. And so the other obvious choice was engineering. So I went to college planning to major in engineering and.
It took me a couple years, freshman and sophomore year to realize, no, this is actually not the field for me. And fortunately I got some good counseling in the counseling center. And I had, it's interesting how life is. I had just on a whim decided to take Italian and I had on a whim decided to take political science and an economics class.
And so I ended up majoring in international relations, which is an interdisciplinary. degree, which I was able to do because I had taken all of these different classes, and so I was able to switch my major and graduate, you know, in four years, and also spend a semester in Florence because I'd taken a year of Italian for no good reason other than I liked Italian.
And so, In my senior year, I didn't really feel qualified to do anything. I had, you know, I was going to get this degree in international relations and I didn't really know what to do with it. I was home in Jamaica for the summer and my older brother came home with, you know, at our request, a book for how to prepare for the LSAT and how to prepare for whatever it's called when you want to go to this school.
And I flipped through the one for the LSAT, which is, which is the test you take to get into the law school. You know, I was like, I think I can do this. So I did, and I did well enough to end up where I ended up. And so it really was, I'll just do this because I can't think of anything else. And of course, a law degree seemed like a sensible thing to have.
It's a good career path, but it was not out of any burning desire to be a lawyer. Anyway, I did become a lawyer and I practiced law for many years. I did corporate law and I enjoyed it. I was restless, I guess is the word that comes to mind. I, you know, I worked in a variety of law firms. I did a variety of corporate work each time I started at a new firm, you know, the novelty would kind of keep me going for a while.
And then I would kind of look around and go, is this it? All of that felt very difficult to leave behind until it was no longer difficult to leave behind. And so I eventually, after 15 years, got to the point where I was ready to leave it behind. And so I did.
Laura Rotter
I mean everything you say, Marlene, so resonates with me for a number of reasons.
First of all, though my father, when I would repeat this, would deny it. But my sister is a lawyer, my father was a lawyer, my uncle is a lawyer, my cousins are a lawyer, you know, lots of lawyers in my family. And my father said, Get a law degree. You don't have to practice law. It's a good degree to have. And then looking at the family I married into, my husband's a physician, my son is a physician, his cousins are physicians, their kids are physicians.
The same message. Go to medical school. You don't have to practice as a doctor, but it's, it's a good degree to have. And you and I know, and I'm, I'm eager to continue the conversation to what you're doing today, but how so many of us get trapped because it is hard to 15 years and to have a level of income and to have a level of expertise to say, you know, this really isn't working for me anymore.
And I often think. How lucky I was that, you know, I applied to law schools and I was always a beast, a solid B student and I, I didn't get into Columbia and I didn't get into NYU where my sister went, my father went to Columbia. So I didn't go to law school. I said, I'm not going to go to a tertiary school and you know, struggle to get employed and I feel like that, you know, our lives take these different routes, but you know how lucky I was that because corporate law very often can be quite draining, depending on what you're doing. But if you're doing mergers and acquisitions, you're doing, I mean, it can be a very draining.
Lifestyle. So what was there often has to be a catalyst to veer from the path that we've chosen for ourselves. I often have this picture of sort of driving the car into the car wash and you know the tires are in the path and it's just gonna take you through unless you veer off. So what was your catalyst?
Marlene McLarty
Yeah, well after 15 years I had practiced law in Well, I practice corporate law in. Every setting I could think of, I had worked at a small firm, a large firm, a branch office of a large firm in house. And that last job that I had, I was part of the legal department of a big multinational company, not very far from my home.
I was part time, I had autonomy. It was everything on paper, you know, I had friendly, Colleagues, everything on paper that a lot of lawyers who've worked in law firms, that's where you want to end up. If you're not going to stay and try to make partner, you want to go in house. And if you want any semblance of balance, you know, ideally part time, and I had two young daughters at this point.
And so it was the perfect job for me. And I still wasn't fulfilled. I wasn't unhappy, but it just was this feeling of this is not it. I think one day I just decided life is too unpredictable to keep doing this. There was a, I was in a book club at the time and that one of the members of my book club, I wasn't that close to her, but she got cancer and she was on my mind when I was thinking that.
And I remember thinking, you know, I have no idea how my life is going to unfold. I could keep doing this, but I don't want to anymore. And again, I was fortunate. My husband was in a job where he could support our family. I had these two little daughters at home. I had a perfect excuse to take myself off the corporate track and parent my kids.
I wish I could say I did it for my daughters, but I really did it because Well, I don't wish I could say that, but I mean, I think that would be, I think that was the reason a lot of people sort of assumed, Oh, she wants to go, you know, raise her kids herself. And I think you can raise your kids while working full time.
I don't think it's either or. For me, it was, I need to step away from this to figure out who I want to be when I grow up. And I was 39 at the time, but you know, it's never too late. to take some time to figure out who you want to be when you grow up. Still working on that. Although I've chosen a profession that I love, but you know, my story's not done.
I'm evolving. And so I don't think I'm ever going to be done growing. Okay. But back to this moment, 15 years ago, I had just decided enough. And so I gave my notice and then I told everyone. I didn't tell anyone until I gave notice. And nobody really understood. My husband, you know, very supportive, but He was like, so what's your plan?
I had no plan. I think I told him that I was planning to get noticed. I think I told him before, but everybody else in my circles didn't get told it after. My mom certainly, my parents didn't really understand. So my mom had three children, engineer, a doctor, and a lawyer. She was quite pleased with the professions we had.
And so this notion of being home, It was just confusing to her, frankly. It was, it was confusing to me. That's not the model she had set for us. So I didn't actually have a good role model for how to be content at home raising my family, but I threw myself into it. I figured, let me do this and I will just take my time and figure out what's next.
How I figured it out was I, over the years, people would. You know, come bounce ideas off of me. And I was having a conversation with a friend of a friend who, you know, I think she was a lawyer and she wanted to, you know, pick my brain about what, you know, career options. And she said to me, you're really good at this.
You should consider career counseling. Which I had never considered, so I thought I should look into that, and so in looking into it, I discovered career coaching, which I had never heard of, I vaguely knew of this thing called executive coaching, but I had never been coached, but I started looking into career coaching because counseling seemed to require returning to school to get a degree, which I had no interest in doing.
Coaching required training, which I could do. Um, and then there was just a question of how am I, where am I going to get my training? So I looked into coach training, picked a program, and then promptly hired a coach for myself. And that was really the beginning of me. I think of that as a beginning of my personal growth journey.
That was when I started what I call the inner work, which was figuring out who am I and why am I here? And what do I want to do? And why do I want to do it? And what's important to me? And I fell in love with coaching. I realized I had actually been doing it without even realizing that's what I was doing.
Fast forward 12 years, I now have my own coaching practice and I love the work I do.
Laura Rotter
Thank you. So is it okay, I want to just go back and ask questions about things that stuck out for me. So you said that that Marlene was really when you started to do your own self exploration when you hired a coach. And yet I can't help but remark, I asked you this before and you had a quick answer, but saying that you didn't feel fulfilled, what did that mean to you?
Because I feel like without. Self exploration and some inner work. Most people aren't looking to be fulfilled. I come home, I watch, I mean, again, fast forward, but Netflix with my husband and I get up and do the same and there isn't this concept of fulfillment. And so I'm curious what that meant.
Marlene McLarty
Yeah, I know what you mean.I think, you know what it was. My parents modeled fulfillment. It's not a word I ever heard them use. It's not like we had conversations about how fulfilled they were, but they modeled that. They demonstrated it. They both, certainly by the time I came along and I was growing up and sort of noticing what they were up to, my mom had a high powered job.
She was running organizations. She was traveling all over the place. She seemed to love it. My dad had his own company and seemed to really enjoy his work and they had full lives. They had their work, they had their friends, they had us, of course, their kids, but we were not like top pri I mean, we were a priority, but we weren't the priority.
And I wanted that. I wanted that feeling of having a life where I went to work and I enjoyed it. And it, you know, it was challenging at times, but I could really enjoy the challenge of it. And again, I didn't hate my jobs, my various jobs as a lawyer. And there were, you know, I did, you know, I was doing a lot of near the end, well, not near the end for several years.
I did project finance transactions. These are big, Big challenging transactions. And the more senior I got, the more responsibility I had that was engaging. So I was engaged. It wasn't what I wanted to keep doing with the rest of my life. That was pretty clear to me. And so there was always this sense of, okay, I'm going to do this for now.
I'm making good money. Why not? But this isn't what I want to always do. And so that's what I mean by it. I wasn't fulfilled. I had this feeling of, this is not the thing I'm going to do for the rest of my life. I just need to figure that out. And again, same kind of the same reason I went to law school because I didn't take the time to really think about all the other things I could do while I was working as a lawyer.
You know, I could have used a coach then to help me explore.
Laura Rotter
So it seems that you, you were in touch with, with skills you had. I mean, I wrote down and you said, I had already been doing it. So I'm curious, you touched on the role you played in friends lives, you know, as a lawyer, I don't know how much time you had to be involved in your friends lives, but what was that that you look back and say, I was already.
Marlene McLarty
Yeah, I did have time to have friendships, which is good. I mean, there were definitely busy times, but then I had a life again, you know, former colleagues who worked at different firms who just were miserable. So I, again, I don't know if it's luck or if it was just me and what I created for myself, I had busy times, but I still was able to have a life, even as a corporate attorney, what I mean by, I was already doing it both with the A few friends outside of work and with work colleagues, people would come to me to, I guess, confide, talk about what was going on for them professionally and personally.
And I was just asking questions. I'm really curious. So for me, I was just sort of being curious and saying, well, have you thought of this? Or what do you mean by that? And that's what I mean by, I was already coaching without even realizing that's the, you know, there's this thing called coaching and you ask a lot of questions and you help to guide people.
I'm an introvert. I don't. Definitely recharged by being, I value my time alone. And I also love people and I love connecting with people and I love having conversations with people. And the best part of my job, I mean, I think I'm a pretty good writer. So I was able to, you know, I could draft contracts, but I loved the people part of it.
So whether it was my clients or opposing counsel or, you know, the clients on the other side, I love the people part and I think. Something about me being raised in Jamaica by the parents I had and maybe coming to the U. S. at 17 and having to navigate, having to navigate how to fit in. That was my goal when I was in college.
I wanted to fit in. I didn't really know what that meant, but I just, I didn't want to stick out as this foreigner. That's, you know, that thinking has changed over the years, but I think. There's a way I am able to be at ease with a variety of people from a variety of backgrounds that enables people to open up readily in my presence.
And I was doing that as a lawyer. Obviously I do it now as a coach. I've always been able to do that. Did that answer your question?
Laura Rotter
I mean, what I'm hearing you say, Marlene, is that you are able to create A safe space for people so that people feel comfortable talking about themselves. And then you have the skill of an introvert.
Marlene McLarty
I would count myself as an introvert who also loves one on one with people. You have the skill to be a good listener. And that's really a gift for so many people because, you know, we're rarely really listened to. Everybody's so busy. It's not from malice. It's just hard for people to carve out the time to really listen.
Laura Rotter
And so I'm hearing you say that that's one of, you know, your skills, if not a gift that you bring to both to friends and clients.
Marlene McLarty
Yeah, I'd like to think of it as a space. A safe space and a brave space, because I really encourage my clients to have the courage to create the change. I mean, change is going to happen regardless, but if, if they're in coaching, they're ready to make a change.
They're just terrified usually. And so it does take courage. And so the space I create is I, you know, I like to, I think of it as a space for exploration. That's all we're doing. We're exploring. Yes. We're going to set goals. Yes. I'm going to keep you accountable. Yes. We're probably going to go deep because that's the kind of coaching I do.
And yes, sometimes it might feel uncomfortable and for sure it's going to be uncomfortable as you try new things. And yes, we're going to be questioning beliefs and your thinking and all of it. And hopefully we're going to have some fun too, because I do try to bring some lightness to the work. It's deep work.
I think it's important work, but we're human. You know, I think we're funny. I think the way we think is sometimes hilarious. The stories we clinging to, the beliefs we hold onto, and I like to enjoy my work and so I try to not take my clients lightly or even the work lightly, but to take a light, lighthearted approach to being human, just embracing the messiness of it and the, the, the funniness of it.
Laura Rotter
So, Marlene, please share with our listeners how your practice has evolved, and that can include who you enjoy working with, but you, you started to detail how you work with people, but if you want to go into a little bit more.
Marlene McLarty
Yeah, how my practice has evolved. So, like I said, back in 2012, I got trained as a coach, and that, at the time, that program was a little over a year long.
And at the end of it, I. Felt ill equipped to hang up my shingle and say, hire me as your coach. And so I thought that the easy solution was to go find a company to work for. So I did, and that was part of my journey. What do I want to say about that time? I was with the company for about three years. It was, it was a learning experience for me.
It was, the culture was such there was a bit of not a bit. There was, I don't want to use the word cult, but I guess I did just use the word cult. It was called like in that there was a group think that was expected and there was a way the coaches were expected to behave in order to belong. And I realized after I left that what I was after was Belonging.
I heard about this company. I, you know, I read the blogs of a couple of their coaches and I thought, yeah, I want to be part of that. And it was their training was so I got trained again was supposed to be really tough. It was hard to get through. And while I was in it, I saw all the people leaving and I sort of took that on as a badge of honor to be, you know, still there and essentially gave my power away.
Until I realized what I was doing and I stopped and I left and then the, the, the deeper work of forgiving myself for doing that. So to the, to the people who knew me best, it was a very confusing time because I'm very independent. I know what I want. I don't like to be told what to do. And here I was doing what I was told, even when it seemed irrational, trying to please other people, not speaking up, hiding my truth. And looking back, I was like, what was I doing? I could have walked away at any point and I chose to stay. I think I had to give away that power, my power, to then reclaim it. So I could, you know, Quickly recognize when people in my life or clients were doing that, because I could understand what it felt like to think of yourself as someone who's strong and independent minded and yet find yourself in a position where you're handing over your power.
What I prefer to work, the people I prefer to work with are tend to be professionals in midlife, pretty similar to where I was. As I was turning 40 and trying to figure out who I wanted to be When I grew up after deciding I didn't want to be a lawyer anymore. So typically people who are about to transition or thinking of transitioning or they've left the workforce and they want to re enter or They don't necessarily want to leave their job But they want more meaning and they're not quite sure how to find that without leaving their job.
And so all of that That's why I coach her.
Laura Rotter
And how do you typically work? Is there a certain length of a coaching practice?
Marlene McLarty
Yeah, not anymore. I don't do packages really. I tell, I ask clients to commit to at least, you know, three months of weekly or every other week sessions for at least three months, really, because I think the first thing that needs to be explored is the mindset, their mindset.
And their beliefs in particular, they're limiting beliefs about what's possible and establishing new thought patterns and behaviors. And again, of course, the accountability, keeping the momentum going. And then after that, I'm like, it's up to you. You get to, you know, we can speak as often as you, as you'd like, as you deem helpful.
And I've had clients. work with me for years and, you know, they feel okay, they've had enough and they may come back when there's something challenging. And I've had, so it varies. So there's no set period of time. It's their journey. I don't ever tell them what to do. I will point out what I notice, what I'm observing.
I ask a lot of questions. And it's hard to describe because I, it very much is tailored to each client. The constant is me. You get me, each of them, they get me and the way my mind works and how I communicate and my approach to. Inner work. I call it inner leadership for a reason because I truly see it as we're leading ourselves into the life we want.
We have to create that, co create it, I guess, because I do believe there's a higher power that's at play. And then we also have to show up. Yeah, that's how I work. And it's all over the, it's all over. It's virtual. I don't do any in person work. Yeah. Coaching anymore. I do. I have recently started to do workshops for the college.
I went to for the alumni association, but it's typically all private coaching. Marlene.
Laura Rotter
Can you share, perhaps? One or two of the mindset shifts that you made in your own life, perhaps when you were going through your coaching?
Marlene McLarty
Well, trust, self trust. I really always thought of myself. Well, I didn't actually think about this stuff in my twenties and in my thirties.
Like I said, this whole personal development field and all the lingo that's used in it was all new to me. So I didn't ever think of, I didn't think about whether I was trusting myself or not. I was just living my life. What I had to learn though was recognizing when I was looking for answers outside from other people.
And I had to learn how to be with myself enough to figure out my own answers. And I always have my own answers. I mean, maybe I don't have enough information. Maybe I need someone to point out my blind spots. But I always know what's right for me. And so one of the first shifts I realized I had to make was to look within instead of looking outside for someone to tell me what to do about my life.
So that self trust is hugely important to me. Another, another mindset shift has been really being intentional about how I show up as a leader, as a person. So not necessarily just in terms of the roles I play. I play a lot of roles. I'm a wife, I'm a sister, I'm a daughter, I'm a coach. Those are just roles, right?
But being intentional about how I show up as a human being, because I think we don't realize the impact we have with every interaction. And never thought of myself as a leader. My leader was what my mom was, but you know, so, but we're all leaders. Right. We're leading in our own way. We're teaching people how to treat us.
So a mindset shift that I had to make was to think of myself as a leader in any situation I'm in with another human being and to really pay attention to The impact I want to have, and, and that impact might just be how I show up, how, how, how present am I, am I listening, how thoughtful am I being about what I choose to say.
So, yeah, those are some of the things that I definitely didn't think about, maybe, before. 15, 20 years ago in my twenties and my thirties. But I think about that a lot now.
Laura Rotter
What I think also is a corollary when you mentioned self trust is also the shift away from judging our value based on how others judge us.
See us right again. You mentioned being an attorney and someone who like to fit in to be able to step away and say, it doesn't matter what other people are going to think. If I'm now introducing myself as a coach and not an attorney or something, it's what do I think and how do. I feel about that and some of that just comes from maturity, but it also comes from practices.
I'm, I'm sorry to wondering if you have specific practices because I, at least in my own life, it's an ongoing practice.
Marlene McLarty
It's ongoing work. It's not easy to do because I think as humans, I mean, we, we do need some acceptance from people around us, right? Just to function on a daily basis. We do need some amount of approval to move through the world.
So it's very difficult, I think, to detach from Wanting approval or at the very least acceptance from other people, but it's a it's balancing That or at least recognizing where it might be necessary and not needing it Right? And so for me, the practice is I journal every day. I wish I could, Laura, I really wish I could tell you I meditated.
I have tried. I still try. I would so love to be a regular meditator, but I am not. I sit down. Saying I'm meditating, I mean, I just, I hear my mind, I see my mind and I'm like, is this meditating? I don't think so, but I breathe. So maybe I am, I don't know. I've let go of it having to look any particular way, but what's actually very helpful for me is intentionally sitting down and writing.
Cause that's when I'm slowing myself down enough to actually pay attention to what my thoughts are. And what my feelings are and then I question some of those thoughts and feelings and I try to get to the truth of what's really going on. Why am I feeling this way? What? You know, why am I even thinking this thought?
Is it even true? I do a lot of that sort of self analysis and that's what helps me. show up in the world without being so attached to needing approval from other people. I mean, I like approval. Everybody likes it, but I don't ever want to need it. Yes. So yeah, I need to give it, I'd like to give it to myself.
Laura Rotter
That's beautiful.
And I'm, you, you alluded to this And I'm wondering, Marlene, what, what role spirituality plays in your life?
Marlene McLarty
I mean, I certainly, I have several mantras I remind myself to say. One of them being, I am guided by the divine or by love. I like to use the two interchangeably. And so it's always played quite a big role in my life.
Sort of pushed it away. when I got married, because any sort of belief in, in anything that I couldn't actually prove, or wasn't scientifically proven, you know, was seen as psychotic, but I realized it as I've gotten older. So, um, I'm wondering what role it plays in your life.
Marlene McLarty
So interesting. Growing up, spirituality was not ever a word I ever heard.
So to put how I, now it, now it is, and I, I try not to label myself. So I never, ever say I'm a spiritual person. I let people believe what they believe. I believe what I believe. I don't always know what I believe. I just have a knowing that I believe something. So I was raised, my mom, let's see, what were my parents?
I w you know, my, my parents, by the time I came along, I, like I said, I'm the youngest, we didn't go to church regularly. I was raised. Methodist. I went to a Methodist school. My dad was a Baptist. My mom, I think, was Methodist. But I would never say I grew up in a very religious household. Certainly once I left to go to college, religion was just not something I ever really thought about.
My husband, when we got married, he was raised Catholic. When we had children, we decided to at least expose them to our religion. So we found a church, we were living in the city, in New York City at the time, in Manhattan. We found a Methodist church and, you know, we would take them. We got them, encouraged them to get confirmed and then we gave them the choice and as soon as they got confirmed, they never went back.
And I was like, okay, so good. And honestly, I kept going to that church because I like the ministers sermons. I don't have anything against religion per se. I think it's up to each person to figure out what brings them peace. I don't think of myself as a Christian. I think of, you know, I've read the Bible.
I've read Buddhism, I've read Taoism, I don't adhere to any particular religion, but I do believe there's some higher power at play, and I have no idea what that is, and I'm okay with that, and I don't need to figure it out to believe that something's guiding me. Right? I also believe I have to show up and do my part.
I don't think I can just sit back and say, okay, guide me, bring me all the things I want. I don't think it works that way. And so maybe that's what spirituality means to some people, this belief in some higher unknown power energy. I call it love sometimes too. It's bigger than me. I don't know what it is.
I mean, I could call it God, but I don't want it to be confused with the God in the Bible. So I just say some higher power and. That gives me comfort. And that's all it needs to do. And so, you know, like I said, I let people have their beliefs about religion or spirituality. And I'm curious about their beliefs to the extent it's having an impact.
For example, if it's a client and it's impacting what we're working on, I'll ask them about that. Not to talk them out of it, but just so I can understand the impact or the, you know, the place it, the role it plays in their decisions. So yeah, I, I guess you could say I've. A seeker of knowledge. I'm open. You know, some things resonate, some things don't, and that's okay.
I don't have all the answers. I have no idea what the truth is. I don't think anybody does. I know what works for me.
Laura Rotter
So as we come to the end of our conversation, Marlene, so much has shifted in your life. And we've talked about how. We have the expectations that it will continue to shift for both of us, our journeys.
How has your definition of success shifted and perhaps even financial success over these years?
Marlene McLarty
Yeah. So that's such an interesting question. Well, let me, let me tackle success versus financials like this. I will say about when I think of money, let's just call it that I think of myself as someone who is good with money.
I've always thought that and I don't know where that thought came from. Maybe it's just the model my parents set and I understood the importance of money. It's a resource. I worked in college and, you know, I, I know I can make money. I know I can keep money. I don't think money has any power over me. I see it as a resource.
I know how to live within my means. I don't ever feel the need to spend a lot of money to keep up. I like nice things. And so when I see something I like, I get it. If I think it's worth paying for, but so that's how I think of money as this resource that can do a lot of good success that, okay. So just success in general, when I was in my twenties and thirties financial success certainly was, well, I lived in New York city, which was expensive. So, you know, financial success was you could afford to live.
Laura Rotter
Exactly. That's a big financial success.
Marlene McLarty
Right. And then now here in Westchester. So it was certainly a success was certainly for a big chunk of my adult life tied to, you know, uh, How much money did we make?
What was our income? And, you know, you know, what can we afford? And then at some point, I'm grateful for this knowing that we have a certain amount of comfort. Success to me has shifted from the, am I making X amount of money to. Actually, I like, I can tell you what success is to me was ever since I read this.
I was like, yes, this is what it is. Maya Angelou's definition of success relief. She said success is liking who you are, liking what you do and liking how you do it. And I, when I read that, I was like, yes. That's what success is, liking who you are, liking what you do, and liking how you do it. It can sound really vague, but I'm like, that's it.
If you can wake up every day or rather go to sleep at the end of every day and go, Did I like who I was today? Did I like what I did? Did I like how I did it? That was a good day.
Laura Rotter
That's a great quote. And I'm just writing down, do I like who I was today? Yeah, sometimes both my husband and I working at home and if I'm feeling under pressure to get things done, I may turn around afterwards and say, I'm not sure I liked who I was as I'm communicating to him the pressure that I feel myself to be under.
There's no reason to, and it As you, to something you said earlier, Marlene, it, it will impact his mood. And there's no need to, you know, and first thing to do is to notice when there's behaviors that aren't living up to our, it's going to say our best, though our best shifts from moment to moment. And my work is to, you know, to parent the part of me that might feel bad about behavior.
Then to tsk, tsk, tsk. So Marlene, is there anything else you want to make sure that you share with our listeners before we go? Think of anything. This has been such a lovely conversation. Back at you. You have such a calming voice. That I can see how your clients feel comfortable sharing this space with you and sharing their stories.
Thank you.
Marlene McLarty
Yeah, that is important to me. I do want people to feel like they can actually settle in and do the work. It's not easy work. It's daily work. It's ongoing work. Like I said earlier, I don't think we're ever done. It's, I don't think I'll ever be done, but I think it's the best kind of work because then we can have the impact that we want to have to the extent we want to have a positive impact on others or on the world.
We got to do that in a workforce.
Laura Rotter
Doing my part. Thank you so much for being my guest, Marlene.
I hope you enjoyed my conversation with Marlene McLarty, founder of Inner Leadership Coaching. And some of my takeaways are, there are no mistakes in life. Don't regret choices you made that seemed appropriate at the time, but are no longer. Marlene worked for 15 years as a corporate attorney before transitioning to become a leadership coach.
She attributes her decision to go to law school to lack of creativity on her part. As a strong student, she wasn't aware of professional choices beyond becoming a doctor, an engineer, or a lawyer. Still, she believes that everything she's done has brought her to where she is now. Second takeaway. A career is difficult to leave behind until it isn't difficult to leave behind.
In other words, you'll make a change when the cost of staying is greater than the cost of leaving. After 15 years practicing law in various settings, Marlene didn't feel fulfilled. After a member of her book club succumbed to cancer, she decided that life was too unpredictable to keep doing something that just wasn't it.
She began to explore what she wanted to be when she grew up. At the age of 39. Third takeaway, notice activities you enjoy doing that don't have a paycheck attached. Marlene found that friends often came to her for advice and to talk about what was going on for them personally and professionally. She began to recognize that she was naturally curious and enjoyed asking questions and connecting with people.
It turns out she was coaching people without realizing it. Last takeaway, look within rather than outside yourself for answers. Marlene realized that she was often looking to others to help make decisions until she recognized that only she can know what is right for her. Maybe she has to reach out to gather more information, but ultimately she had to learn to trust herself to make decisions.
If this has struck a chord with you, don't hesitate to reach out so we can come up with a financial map that can help you move closer to your purpose. Please email me at laura at trueabundanceadvisors.com to set up a meeting. Are you enjoying this podcast? Don't forget to subscribe so you won't miss next week's episode.
And if you love the show, a rating and a review would help others just like you to find it and would be greatly appreciated. Thank you so much.
Narrator
Thanks for listening to Making Change With Your Money. Certified financial planner, Laura Rotter specializes in helping people just like you organized, clarify, and invest their money in order to support a life of purpose and meaning. Go to www. trueabundanceadvisors. com forward slash workbook for a free resource to help you on your journey.
Disclaimer, please remember that the information shared by this podcast does not constitute accounting, legal, tax, investment, or financial advice. It's for information purposes only. You should seek appropriate professional advice for your specific information.